Charlotte

Sweet Charlotte trick or treating by the Capitol, 2011.

More to come...

Monday, Monday

We decided to truck it over to Milwaukee on Saturday for the Holiday Folk Fair and visits with Tim's and Uncle John's afterward.  At some point during the fair, we got a text and the next Charlotte noticed was cousin Madilyn walking toward our seating area!  Auntie Missy showed up at the folk fair as well.  While inspired by the ethnic dancing and Polish Dill Pickle soup, the best part of the day was the marienette stuffed animals we allowed the girls to buy, and we allowed ourselves to constantly detangle the fish wire attachments.  Natalie is totally into Oragami these days so she got to sit a spell at the Japanese table and watch an expert quickly throw something together.

We headed over to Tosa to visit with the Wessings and baby Wessing with her yummy, huge cheeks and chubby feet.  We played for a bit and then were joined by Aunt Lynn, Uncle John and Mary.  Natalie and Mary are so close in age, I try to encourage their friendship by tales of lil baby photos and time stamped memories of their tiny days.  At some point, baby Molly was startled and cryed so Natalie didn't want to pose for any pics holding her.  Charlotte is still Molly's keeper...she loves her.  When we went to Dave & Busters, I noticed that Natalie was very into her own thing with the many distractions there, and Mary and Charlotte kind of hung out.

It was fun, until Lance reached the end of his rope.  We didn't leave D & B until after 10.  He went out to pull the car up and while we were on our way out, I got a loud cell phone demand that we join him.  Redface. 

The kids enjoyed.  The HOliday Folk Fair is definitely on our list again next year, maybe not Dave and Busters though...we'lll see.

Wherein we confer

School conferences yesterday! I am so proud to be mama to my girls.  They are learning what they need to learn, they are kind, they are polite, they are doing exactly what they need to do and are where they need to be.

I was a handful for my parents.  Our house was total chaos, literally and figuratively so perhaps there is some truth to the nurture over nature.  I mean, I don't remember my parents ever sitting down with me to do homework, there were three babies younger than me to worry about and my mom's favorite firstborn to help along.  The second child, it was texbook.  Oh and physical safety wasn't a big concern either...roaming free on a farm...the only real injuries I sustained were stepping on a rusty nail.  Oh and there was the trauma of being tasked with holding a large heavy fence by myself to block 20 steers into the barn only to have one 1000lb cow knock the fence down with me under it while he walked over it.  My ankle hurt, my dad told me to sit on the side of the barn and informed me that if I really needed medical attention, it would be an escort by ambulance as he didn't have time to take me, what with all the steer wranglilng that was going on that night.  There was another time when I was riding on the back of a hay wagon while picking rocks and swung my leg under the tire and cranked my ankle.  Or the time where I was riding on the back of a tractor with my dad and he dropped a large, HEAVY axle bar on top of my foot.  Then there were all those times where my parents would first pick me up HOURS after that Brownies meeting ended, or volleball practice or whathaveyou.  The teachers never cared and were glad they didn't have to wait around like that poor, pathetic kid whose life they were suppose to have a hand in.  One time, during the dead of Feburary, my dad picked me up outside at about 8:30 (past a structured kid's bedtime for sure)...pitch black, in Barton, WI...I waited for hours outside my school during the winter?  I tried to get the nuns who lived in the house right next to our school to offer a little shelter but for some reason, there was nothing they could do either.  So Harry Potter esque in its beginings.  I wondered at times if they wanted me maimed or killed...not just my parents but all of them.

Parochial schools, and society, are a little different these days.  But, my childhood was a bit extreme.

So, yeah, nurture.  I can't feel guilty for what I did as a kid anymore but I am so glad that my kids aren't dealing with the same.  Those girls are making the most of the time they are spending in their activites...soccer, softball, dance, school and it is so different from they way I approached things.  Keep it up, girls.  Mama's got your back.  Right now, I am loving teacher conferences.  And I always hope to provide a safe and SANE landing at home, God help me.

Four little princesses

I've found that a really, really kind thing to do to myself is to eat out on Fridays.
 
Saturday morning was 9 am soccer.  The Wands v the Parrotts.  We really aren't at the stage, U9, where the score is emphasized but I happened to notice that the Wands won 3-2, with two goals by our lil Miss Natty Rodenkirch, and the other being a run down the field and pass to mate right at goal (strategy) by the very same Miss Natalie.  I mean, that's pretty unbelievable at any level but especially when she has my genes.  She is going to try tennis after soccer ends.  I can help with that.  But, soccer.  Soccer is her thing.  She's a pretty awesome player too.

At 11:30, Miss Jamie and Izzy Bowser joined us for the next 24 hours.  That was fun.  The girls are being a lot more polite to each other after the playdate/sleepover.  It was a big sis/lil sis matchup with an amazing Fall day to pull it all together.  The Bowsers are originally from TX and they have some cute mannerisms and emphasize the polite.  It was fun, and exhausting. 

Chicken and dumplings for dinner and then baths and early bed.  Pack is up 33-27 v the sketchy Vikings of MN.   Go Pack Go Pack Go Pack!

If a Tree Falls in the Forest

Competitiveness.  I work with a lady who told me her "game" is "thinking she's better than other people." 
Self talk is everything, amongst the crazy that surrounds us.
Bring it outsiders who compete with me, I will ignore you and rise above.  My new attitude that I will share with my dear and lovely daughters.

RIP SJ

Mr. Jobs himself never got a college degree. Despite leaving Reed College after six months, he was asked to give the 2005 commencement speech at Stanford.
In that address, delivered after Mr. Jobs was told he had cancer but before it was clear that it would ultimately claim his life, Mr. Jobs told his audience that “death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life’s change agent.”
The benefit of death, he said, is you know not to waste life living someone else’s choices.
“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”


---

With Time Running Short, Jobs Managed His Farewells

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CHARLES DUHIGG, On Thursday October 6, 2011, 9:25 pm EDT

Over the last few months, a steady stream of visitors to Palo Alto, Calif., called an old friend’s home number and asked if he was well enough to entertain visitors, perhaps for the last time.
In February, Steven P. Jobs had learned that, after years of fighting cancer, his time was becoming shorter. He quietly told a few acquaintances, and they, in turn, whispered to others. And so a pilgrimage began.
The calls trickled in at first. Just a few, then dozens, and in recent weeks, a nearly endless stream of people who wanted a few moments to say goodbye, according to people close to Mr. Jobs. Most were intercepted by his wife, Laurene. She would apologetically explain that he was too tired to receive many visitors. In his final weeks, he became so weak that it was hard for him to walk up the stairs of his own home anymore, she confided to one caller.
Some asked if they might try again tomorrow.
Sorry, she replied. He had only so much energy for farewells. The man who valued his privacy almost as much as his ability to leave his mark on the world had decided whom he most needed to see before he left.
Mr. Jobs spent his final weeks — as he had spent most of his life — in tight control of his choices. He invited a close friend, the physician Dean Ornish, a preventive health advocate, to join him for sushi at one of his favorite restaurants, Jin Sho in Palo Alto. He said goodbye to longtime colleagues including the venture capitalist John Doerr, the Apple board member Bill Campbell and the Disney chief executive Robert A. Iger. He offered Apple’s executives advice on unveiling the iPhone 4S, which occurred on Tuesday. He spoke to his biographer, Walter Isaacson. He started a new drug regime, and told some friends that there was reason for hope.
But, mostly, he spent time with his wife and children — who will now oversee a fortune of at least $6.5 billion, and, in addition to their grief, take on responsibility for tending to the legacy of someone who was as much a symbol as a man.
“Steve made choices,” Dr. Ornish said. “I once asked him if he was glad that he had kids, and he said, ‘It’s 10,000 times better than anything I’ve ever done.’ ”
“But for Steve, it was all about living life on his own terms and not wasting a moment with things he didn’t think were important. He was aware that his time on earth was limited. He wanted control of what he did with the choices that were left.”
In his final months, Mr. Jobs’s home — a large and comfortable but relatively modest brick house in a residential neighborhood — was surrounded by security guards. His driveway’s gate was flanked by two black S.U.V.’s.
On Thursday, as online eulogies multiplied and the walls of Apple stores in Taiwan, New York, Shanghai and Frankfurt were papered with hand-drawn cards, the S.U.V.’s were removed and the sidewalk at his home became a garland of bouquets, candles and a pile of apples, each with one bite carefully removed.
“Everyone always wanted a piece of Steve,” said one acquaintance who, in Mr. Jobs’s final weeks, was rebuffed when he sought an opportunity to say goodbye. “He created all these layers to protect himself from the fan boys and other peoples’ expectations and the distractions that have destroyed so many other companies.
“But once you’re gone, you belong to the world.”
Mr. Jobs’s biographer, Mr. Isaacson, whose book will be published in two weeks, asked him why so private a man had consented to the questions of someone writing a book. “I wanted my kids to know me,” Mr. Jobs replied, Mr. Isaacson wrote Thursday in an essay on Time.com. “I wasn’t always there for them, and I wanted them to know why and to understand what I did.”
Because of that privacy, little is known yet of what Mr. Jobs’s heirs will do with his wealth. Unlike many prominent business people, he has never disclosed plans to give large amounts to charity. His shares in Disney, which Mr. Jobs acquired when the entertainment company purchased his animated film company, Pixar, are worth about $4.4 billion. That is double the $2.1 billion value of his shares in Apple, perhaps surprising given that he is best known for the computer company he founded.
Mr. Jobs’s emphasis on secrecy, say acquaintances, led him to shy away from large public donations. At one point, Mr. Jobs was asked by the Microsoft founder Bill Gates to give a majority of his wealth to philanthropy alongside a number of prominent executives like Mr. Gates and Warren E. Buffett. But Mr. Jobs declined, according to a person with direct knowledge of Mr. Jobs’s decision.
Now that Mr. Jobs is gone, many people expect that attention will focus on his wife, Laurene Powell Jobs, who has largely avoided the spotlight, but is expected to oversee Mr. Jobs’s fortune. A graduate of the University of Pennsylvania and the Stanford Graduate School of Business, Mrs. Powell Jobs worked in investment banking before founding a natural foods company. She then founded College Track, a program that pairs disadvantaged students with mentors who help them earn college degrees. That has led to some speculation in the philanthropic community that any large charitable contributions might go to education, though no one outside Mr. Jobs’s inner circle is thought to know of the plans.
Mr. Jobs himself never got a college degree. Despite leaving Reed College after six months, he was asked to give the 2005 commencement speech at Stanford.
In that address, delivered after Mr. Jobs was told he had cancer but before it was clear that it would ultimately claim his life, Mr. Jobs told his audience that “death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life’s change agent.”
The benefit of death, he said, is you know not to waste life living someone else’s choices.
“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”
In his final months, Mr. Jobs became even more dedicated to such sentiments. “Steve’s concerns these last few weeks were for people who depended on him: the people who worked for him at Apple and his four children and his wife,” said Mona Simpson, Mr. Jobs’s sister. “His tone was tenderly apologetic at the end. He felt terrible that he would have to leave us.”
As news of the seriousness of his illness became more widely known, Mr. Jobs was asked to attend farewell dinners and to accept various awards.
He turned down the offers. On the days that he was well enough to go to Apple’s offices, all he wanted afterward was to return home and have dinner with his family. When one acquaintance became too insistent on trying to send a gift to thank Mr. Jobs for his friendship, he was asked to stop calling. Mr. Jobs had other things to do before time ran out.
“He was very human,” Dr. Ornish said. “He was so much more of a real person than most people know. That’s what made him so great.”

Reporting was contributed by Julie Bosman, Quentin Hardy, Claire Cain Miller and Evelyn M. Rusli.

Come to pass...

The nights are quiet, the days are loud.  We don't talk.  The schedule we keep is busy.  I stay on top of it as best I can, get the paperwork in on time, volunteer in the lunchroom, the classroom.  Enjoy and be present until they ween me off the time I get to see them during the day. Over the top, he says.  Not well done. Barely enough to maintain, I think.  All along, there is conflict, button pushing, strain...enough to snap, and snap over again and then, beyond repair.   Broken.  It is.  Likely over.

The sun set over the tree today and stayed in the middle of a clearing for a few seconds.  And then it passed on like these moments.  They cannot be tainted.  Presence.

Natalie is Nine

Finally am taking the time to write about our first born's 9th birhday.  She had a lovely weekend. 

She had a few friends over to Studio You pottery to celebrate.  It all got off to a good start and everyone was painting nicely and talking about movies (Prom), music and jokes.   The volume in our lil studio room in the back started to increase rapidly and soon the painting part was over.  We brought out the first course, watermellon, and everyone started getting a little more wiggly and mobile.  Abby was doing skits, Nicolette was on the floor half the time, and five year old Charlotte and I spent some time in the hall because it was entirely too loud in the room for her.  Eventually though, she joined in.  Quiet Lily told me that she was laughing so hard her stomach hurt.  I don't think I've ever seen our Natalie laugh so hard in her life.  Red faces everywhere and lots of smiles.  We ate pizza and had cupcakes and the nice lady running the place told me that if there had been actual customers outside of the party, she would have told us to pipe down.  Successful, loud party with the friends.

And just like that, at 5:24 am the next morning, you are NINE!
The next day Natalie had a morning soccer game where she scored TWO goals.  Later, her Aunties Missy, Uncles Troy and Greg and cousins Madilyn, Olivia and Jillian came over to party.  We talked and laughed and played and, as always, had a great time.

We love you birthday girl.  Happy, Happy Ninth!!  XOXO.

Three weeks late, but so applicable...

I found this on the June2006 baby blog today:

"Everybody has a "first day",
when they feel sad and all alone,
it can be scary
when your out on your own.
And I know that a "first day"
can be full of doubts and fears.
But they are full of new beginnings,
take my hankie, and dry your tears.

You'll find lots of things to do,
and probably make new friends.
I promise we'll be together
when the school day ends.

Here comes the teacher,
blow your nose and be brave,
come on now and wipe your eyes,
this is no way to behave.

Well good morning teacher,
we really must beg your pardon.
No. MOMMY doesn't always act this way,
but it's my first day of
....KINDERGARTEN"

Saturday Night

We went to the Fox farm today, like we do every fall.  It was rainy but warm.  The girls got to hang with the Fox kids and pick apples and hang out.  We brought some flowers for Mrs. Fox and some Lanes Gourmet CC cookies for Karen.  The girls love to feed Jim and Rosie, the ponies apples. 

Lance is fishing today, in the rain.  Labor Day weekend. Tomorrow...Burlington!

My tallies in the five year journal are abismal.  Must Get on That, among other things.  I wonder if cousin Molly will blow off my Thursday night babysittin' request?  I may be going to Open House alone otherwise.  I have no babysitters and my search got buried in the UW Job site before I could secure a role with one of the two good candidates.  They've all been taken!  I can't resort to Cassidy.  I wish Kristin would come back from NYC.

Now, I need to drag the chillies away from ICarly and for Natalie...IPOD AND ICARLY.  Sigh.

Good Morning!

Charlotte and Natalie both had great drop offs this morning.  It was a beautiful sunny morning and I am so proud of them.  It makes the work day go better as well.  Love these mornings.

Four days into it...

Nataile had an issue with a rude little ADHD kid yesterday.  She decided not to tell on her because the same kid had already gotten in trouble the day prior.  The same kid came to summer camp with lice and passed it along, for weeks.  I am a little judgemental but really starting to dislike this kid.  These kind of confessions are what journals are for.

On Monday, Natale had to fill out a "job application" and I dunno, it was the first full day of school after her early 10am wake up calls a week prior so I think she was tired.  She forgot her phone number.  I picked her up from school and she was angry...didn't even acknowledge her best friend before leaving with me.  She cried on the way to speech, during speech, and later that evening when Lance compared her sometimes lazy lackluster approach to doing sit ups to "Uncle Blake."  She sobbed and cried and Lance did his usual insensitive "alligator tears" bullshit that I have hated for 20+ years.  All Natalie could say was Please Do Not Call Me Uncle Blake, through sobs.  Prior to that, she tried to explain that she had a bad day and he said, "yeah, so did I, we all have bad days." Is this reality?  I have to mindfully keep my mouth closed and restrain myself physically from flicking him in the forehead to avoid a fight and let him explain himself to her instead.

So, yesterday am, I spoke with her teacher in the hallway regarding speech crossover techiniques (Natalie worked her tail off this summer with speech and has it mastered, but has to make it a pattern in her out of cilnic life now.)  I followed up with teacher by email and she and Natalie put together a plan.  Her teacher then mentioned the forgotten phone number incident and told me that she tried to console Natalie, told her to work with me to come up with a way to remember her phone number and wanted to address the issue as knowing one's phone # is a safety issue.   So, yeah, I took the hit there.  But not without telling Mr. H that Natalie does indeed know her own phone, my cell (Lance in his infinite wisdom recently changed his cell # so "no one can call him" and frankly, I just got his # committed to memory) and was extremely sad and tired that afternoon (the first full day of school), and not only about the phone number mishap.

Charlotte is an awesome Kindergarten student.  She grogily, yet cheerfully, gets up every am before 6:30 and goes off to school.  She tells me about her day and the Kindergarten Daily News also helps serve as an outline.  She has been hitting her head a lot lately.  Walking into walls.  I am going to see about a vision check but she is doing phenomenally.  I want to summarize, somehow, her going off to school.  I can't yet do it.  It's been a mixed bag but she is truly making us proud.  I will write it someday soon. 

On the second day of Kindergarten

Mama is still a little weepy.  Sprout #2 was excited and made us so proud yesterday, right before I walked teary eyed to the car.  Today, she was a little worried about going off on her own.  It helps that we have her in a good school and she is in good hands with not only her fabulous Kindergarten teacher, but also her assistant, student-teacher.

More to come, with photos!  The swift passage of time gets me every time.  I love those babies so fiercely...even if they are not really babies anymore.

Mostly

I want to enjoy the relaxation and calm that normal, non anxiety-ridden people enjoy.

The one who inspires

Inspired by Natalie and the work of other more detailed bloggers she sees me enjoy, I write tonight.  Natalie tells me to post and put photos on my blog more often.  I wish I was more confident but I know the only way out is through so, my dear, I will try.

Tonight, I was impatient with you because in your summer daze of late nights and busy days you are a bit off schedule.  You hardly went to KJ these last few weeks and when you did, you usually strolled in around 9 with daddy.  You tried to fight the sleep I could see was missing from your eyes today as I dragged you around to shop for last minute add ons for the school year.  Things we really didn't even need but it was my lame attempt to get out today and do some things.  You came in and asked if you could help me fold laundry, I wisked you off to bed.  You may have wanted to talk about something or just be close but it was 9:30 and I regret that I favored that over getting to know you even better while we fold clothes.  You really want to get on this allowance thing too but mostly, you want to help around the house.  You are almost 9 and you are trying so hard.

I am going to go up and give you a kiss and tell you I'm sorry for being impatient at bedtime.  You are such a sweet soul.  You are growing up before my eyes.  I am so proud of you and I am sorry I don't always take the time.  I love you for all that you are, NG.

Back from BC

So glad to be back on a Saturday night in my own bed with my lil family!

Vancouver was beeeautiful!  We stayed right on the water.  I wrote more in my daily journal but V, BC is a pretty awesome place.  Will definitely go back someday.

How to charm me

Last night when Charlotte crawled into bed with me as she's been doing a lot lately, she secured her small hand on my forearm and drifted off to sleep.  It reminded me of her baby years.  My five year old.

Limitations

Natalie noticed I was once again checking in with Enjoying the Small Things, one of the best Mamablogs out there.  She's seen it before, and asks why I read THAT, instead of writing in my own blog.  I told her I'm always inspired with the words and the photography.  She said so you copy her ideas?  I kind of fancy myself a photographer after seeing her work and then looking more into what I can do with my own limited equipment, and want to get back to the writing I long ago abandoned when I moved from public relations work to admissions and then to sales.

Natalie is right.  She has a handle on life sometimes and wisdom that flashes through her babytalk she sometimes still uses for security, or as she says "to be cute."  Girl, you are ADORABLE without changing your voice.  Plus, your speech therapist is calling for a moratorium on the baby talk so...

I guess I should be writing more when I'm feeling down, or confused, or hopeless but I really need to get past the limitations.  There's a lot going on right now and I don't necessarily put words to it in the proper context.   But, I'll some it up somewhat and maybe it will provide much needed therapy.  It's effing hard to be a working mom, it's hard on me, it's hard on the kids, and it's hard on my husband who tends to make everything about him.  Being pulled in all directions is like a cliche and I realized awhile back that balance is an illusion.  A quote from The Road Less Traveled was on the aformentioned fab Mama blog that goes something to the effect, "life is hard.  and once you truly embrace and realize that fact, you will find peace" or something like that.  I've lived it.  I've known it.  My mom and dad are out of their minds but living in a 1950s mindset where you don't talk about or admit to those things, and, my mom especially, will completely by default remain ignorant to any issue I try to address.  They break my heart.  And my siblings.  It's hard to grow up in a home where really, the only thing going on was turmoil and chaos and avoidance.  I've figured that out.  I made the mistake of going to somewhat elaborate lengths to get my mom here for Natalie's Grandparent's Day last April and Natalie still recoils at a single incident, which I thoughtfully asked my mom about, and she of course...duh Michelle, pleaded ignorance.  They are not evil/write off for life parents, they just don't want the help they desperately need and have since I can remember.  The huge gray area has always been a stumbling block for me and for how I let others treat me.

I am not at liberty to discuss how messed up Lance's family is.

I feel alone right now with some big decisions to make and wonder how I will do it...alone.

I thank God every day for my girls and how they have transformed me in so many ways but I need to make some decisions for us, as a family. We need to move forward in health and I pray for the ability to make that happen. 

Young athlete

Natalie got a base hit for every at bat last night in her softball game!  The firebombs are undefeated too!

She also got a goal in each of her last two soccer games.

Pretty good for coming from my gene pool. ;)

Stream of Consciousness

I miss Charlotte and Natalie when I travel for work.  I have spent 8 years feeling guilty with every trip, which is totally irrational.  Charlotte cried when I dropped her off at summer camp because she knew I was heading to the airport.  But, when I talked to her today she couldn't have been more cheery and happy. To say that we're a working family repeatedly but not live it is just, no way to live.  They are fine...daddy gave them the day off summer camp, spoiling them...he'll be a good Grandpop if he is ever so blessed.  They are happy and good and smart and kind.  I just love them so fiercely. 

Charlotte is a dancer.  She likes to boogie and maybe we'll revisit dance again.  She is also taking some karate classes through summer camp and seems to take a shine to that too.   Hmm.  I will talk to her when she is a, OMG, Kindergartener and see what she thinks.

Piano!  Want to introduce piano into Natalie's life if she's into an hour of practice every night.  We'll see.

Nanny?  For next year on Tues and Thurs after school?  Or will Lance adjust his schedule to accommodate those pick ups?  Need to figure that out.

I feel burdened by a lack of continuity and normalcy with my girls' grandparents.  I just wish they would have peace, and a little more sanity, maybe?  It is just so cliche to complain about parents and in laws. So juvenile.  I need to bring closure to that clutter in my head and move it along.  Who has time?  The biggest help I could give myself (and therefore others) is to face the reality, there is going to be no change on the grandparent's front.   I need to break the mind cycle. 

Love and light is what I will spread.  In order to do that, I need to keep a regular work out schedule.  It is my goal to use the hotel gym here in Boulder every day while I'm here, since, um, there is nothing else to do but work and eat.  Oh, I did do some shopping too...the Talbots down the street is closing so I got some conference clothes on the cheap!  Woo!

Goodnight from far away, my babies.  Mama loves.

Summertime

Charlotte had her preschool graduation on Thursday night.  When she got her diploma, she paused and stood right on the photo X and smiled to the crowd, and smiled to her mama, whose camera was out of battery.  :(  Her charm is engraved in my brain.

Natalie had her last day of 2nd grade on Friday.  She got an awesome report card, as per all year.  She is so conscientious and bright.  She worked hard all year. We had an fantastic afternoon at Devil's Lake to celebrate our little student.  The water was perfectly cold and free of swimmers itch bacterei. 
I have yet to see a more beautiful place in Wisconsin.

Natalie scored a goal yeseterday in her soccer game, too!

Gorettifest today...

You Cant Always Get What You Want

This moring on 105.5, they sent out their regards to the 2011 UW Grads and dedicated the classic Stones tune to their future pursiuts.  Charlotte was singing along with the Stones, I think it may become a favorite of hers, along with the Ramones and Beatles' Old Brown Shoe.

Natalie did An Awesome Job at her opening day for softball team, the Firebombs.  She made an awesome play at first base by fielding a ball and tagging out her Purple Grapes rival, Nicolette, who is also her classmate and occasional playdate commrade.  Then, in the next inning she got another Grape out, and tagged another kid but they let it go after Natalie made a diving effort to tag (and did tag) the kid.  A few "injury-related (and that is totally bunk) tears insued but Natalie got back in the game and got the next batter out on a play at first.  Learning experience for sure, our lil Firebomb.  She also got a base hit every time at bat, and ran in two runs.  Firebombs 12, Grapes 1!  Hooray!

Paris

It's hard to believe I'm here.  The most beautiful city in the world.  I've never been to Europe and for my first trip, I land in Paris.  I am still pinching myself.  I love my job and the work here has been fruitful to say the least. 

Outside of work, it's a photographers haven here.  The paradox of classic intertwined with the modern.  An IPad billboard right next to a 18th Century apartment building.  The beauty and grandeur of Notre Dame and the Ile St Louis.  The pediestrian and boat traffic along the Seine. Devouring a salmon salad, cramped in a busy St Michel outdoor cafe. The turn of the century architectural marvel that is the Eiffle Tower.  The massive and amazing Louvre and wondering what they did with all that space as a living quarters.  The authenticity of the Musse d'Orsay.  The friendly Parisians, helping me even when they parle non Anglas.  The metro system and it's people on their way to many points in the city.  Dining al fresco at a sidewalk Brasserie.  It's all been amazing.  Tomorrow, for my metro destinations, I am planning on the Champs Elysees and the Sacre Coure in Montmarte.  Also the Moulin Rouge and the tacky shops that surround it. 

If you're going to be missing your littles at home, Paris is not a bad place to do it.  This may be the point in this blog where I finally start to post photos.  Soon.  It's two more days and Au Revior to Paris.  Merci for all your hospitality!  You are everything I expected and more.

Mommyhood

I wasnt particularly fond of children growing up.  I loved my little siblings but didnt like being the gratis babysitter on call.  Or babysitting at all, really.  I loved when I was old enough to get a "real job" (in fast food!)  I didn't dream of myself with my littles, but I knew what they looked like far before they were conceived and I knew they would come, even though I didn't actively pine for them.  Until they came. 

I never knew I could love anyone so fiercely...long for their presence, try to hide myself when I got too stressed and try not to react in front of their uncluttered, sans-cynicism minds, want SO much for another person to be her best, agonize over twists and turns in life and second guess my decisions because they are so critical in the long hall.  I poured over What to Expect, the Baby Whisperer, and a heaps of girl-centric literature under many titles.

The literature, it's good to check in when time permits, but my gut is what has made the best call for these beautiful, enchanting and loving babies.   I love you girls.  I am so proud of you.  I know you can and will have the best in life because you're you.  You amaze me with your ability to thrive in school and life.  I am here for a hug and a talk (about anything) and am blessed to be able to be your mom.  When people say they worry about bringing kids into this crazy world, I look at you and listen to what you talk about.  You will change the world.  You think differently.  You are a new generation.   Natalie, you are so passionate yet you think before you speak.  You are fair.  You are sensitive. You love people and doing your part in team sports.  You are logical beyond what I'd ever imagined an eight year old can be.  You adore flowers and nature.  You love your stuffed animals.  Charlotte, you are loving.  You are so inquisitive.  You are a peacemaker.  You hold your own when you need to.  You make the most adorable observations and are a great conversationalist already at the age of four.  You love butterflies and flowers and dresses and cute shoes.  You both love to help me cook. 

You are both the most beautiful girls I have ever known.  You have striking eyes and I am floored by your beautiful, perfect faces.  You are both down to earth yet show a passion for the best things in life. For solutions.

We have traveled because I want you to see the world.   But, my best memories continue to be the conversations we have in our backyard.  Don't ever be afraid to tell me anything.  I am here for you always.  I want you to know that you have the sensibilities to make the right decisions and choices...and that's coming from your teachers as well as your parents.   You make the right choices even when I am befuddled at how to guide you.  I hope you always continue to trust your gut.  Natalie, your report cards have been perfect since you started school.  You Love To Read. You are kind to your classmates and you are driven to work hard on projects and goals and your passion for reading and doing your best in your work has been learned by your sister.  Charlotte, you are a leader.  One of your preschool friends made her parents switch classes so she could be in yours.   You are charasmatic and peaceful.

I hope you always work to know and trust yourselves.  You have it in you.  You take every opportunity to grow.  You are amazing.

You will never know how much you have changed my life from your sweet smelling, tiny and snuggly baby years to your rambunctious toddler years to preschool and to now, when you both will be schoolgirls in the fall.  I miss those snuggle puppy baby years but I am also enthralled by every stage of your lives, and the new adventures that come with each new step.

I love you!  And on this Mother's Day, I thank you, my babies.

Oh the mundanity

I just wish I could be somewhere soaking up sun and relaxing with the fam again.
Why does work have to be so political?  And silly?

The Jekyll Adventure

It's comforting and therapeudic to attempt to wash the stains out of the girls' cute vacay clothes.  And remember where they were and what we were doing.

Jekyll was amazing.  Also amazing to see Tracy and her family again.  I still am in awe of the remote and natural lanscape.  But it was also interesting to hear Tracy's perspective.  I love her!  And her sweet lil family.

Natalie and Charlotte had an amazing time.  To gauge this, I asked four and a half year old Charlotte what she thought was more fun, Jekyll or Disney.  She said both. :)  Sweet girl.  We took a surrey ride through the maritime forest and saw a couple alligators hanging in a pond.   We saw sea turtles and dolphins and crabs.  The four kids were walking along the dead jellyfish filled beach of Jekyll and found a "seaturtle pit" that Natalie had earlier dug filled with crabs and a starfish.  So freaking cool.

I drove from Jekyll to Cartersville, GA and Lance took over.  He was ready to drive straight home.  13 1/2...and he did.  I kept asking to take over for him but he was in the zone.  We are all home and doing laundry and chllaxin'. 

On the horizon

There is a storm brewing now after a gorgeous 80 degree day.  We went to the park and the girls biked and scootered and played soccer and softball.  It was rockin'.
(insert photos here)
There is a storm on the horizon.  The dogs across the neighborhood are barking.  And Natalie is asking me to play LIFE with her. 
Beautiful dark, stormy skies.
Next week, St Simons/Jekyll Island!

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not toegther.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you."
--Winnie the Pooh

Lots of JOY in Mudville...

Our little family of Packer Backers is very happy this morning.  Natalie and Charlotte had to go to bed before the game ended but Natalie said to me, "can you let me know if the Packers win?  I'd really like to know."  They won, honey!!!  They had a great season.

Other than the big day on Sunday, we had some mommy-daughter errands on Saturday and lunch at Noodles.  This mixed in with the usual artwork which is created every day, some DS and Ipod Touch time, and snuggling on the couch. 

My snuggle puppies...I love what you are, I love what you do, OOOOH, I LOVE YOU!  I always find myself reflecting when I should be working.  Today I am thinking of cute things you both have said about your hair;  Natalie in Kindergarten when she got a haircut,  
Mama:  "Natalie, did anyone notice your haircut today?"
Natalie: "Well, people said they liked my haircut."
Just the way you said "well" and then well...I cannot do justice to your sweetness.  But, it's engraved in my brain.
And, then more recently like this weekend:
Charlotte: Mommy, look, my hair is getting really 'big' in back, see..."
And it is.

"We Love the Green and Gold" (OFFICIAL HD MUSIC VIDEO): Pat McCurdy

Mondays

My kids are way better at getting up in the morning than I ever remember myself to be.  Even Natalie, gets up with a smile on her face at 6:30 am.  Charlotte usually is a little silly, wants to read her book in bed and then get going.  When I think "they can do better than I did" they really do walk the walk.  I dunno.  I may have jinxed myself  The mood swings and the tantrums are all so unremarkable and just a fraction of the overall goodness that comes with being mama to Natalie and Charlotte.   Sometimes I do need to remind Natalie where others are in relation to her body, or huge hugs, or attempts to jump up into someone's arms or lap, but again...goodness and love is in her soul.

We went to "fill the bowl" for our first Badger women's hockey game.  It was so fun.  And the attendance did fill the bowl and broke a NCAA record so that was nice too.  Natalie screamed-cheered and when we first arrived, Charlotte just stared in awe of the ice.  The Badgers beat the Golden Gophers 3-1, with one "mid ice" shot being called back.  I don't understand the rules but Natalie wasn't too pleased.  She's a good lil Badger.  Charlotte was a little miffed that the Badgers didn't score >/= 5 points so she could get her free Culvers ice cream.  We are so lucky to live in a city where opportunity is endless for family activites.  I want to get involved in more than just Natalie's school functions...we need to think NCAA as well.

Uncle Tim and Auntie Shannon came down yesterday and we had brunch at the Great Dane.  We ate way too much.  Shannon looks so incredibly cute but uncomfortable.   Baby  watch=two months and three showers from now!  Cannot wait to meet the new lil Wessing.  They are going to be great parents!  Love them.

Snowapaloza is starting right now.  When all is said and done, we could have 20 inches!  I think there may well be a snow day or two this week.

Friday, oh Friday

So, we wind down the week.  Natalie, you so need a break.  I almost institued a mental health day from school for you today.  Your sunny disposition never ceases, even when you have tired eyes.  Last night, you told me SMG is a great school.  I have my reservations on a catholic school with many welltodos but hey, things have improved VASTLY since I went to ole St. Marys with its conflicting messages.

Charlotte, you have teddy bear day at school and are bringing your tinkerbell teddy bear that I got you when you had to get your tubes put in.  You love it.  You love school but not the two hour imposed nap time.  You said you "fake sleep" a lot.  You are such a great communicator. I am amazed at how well you describe, answer a question, ask a question... 

On tap for this weekend:  getting a new sofa tonight & possibly buying some deeply discounted winter gear for next year, lounging, watching movies, sleeping in, and brunch with Uncle Tim and Aunt Shannon (and their baby in utero) on Sunday.  I wonder if you will want a playdate with Olivia when I pick you up from school at 2:40?

Sometimes, I wish I could take us away and live on a little island with no work, school, life politics.

2011

Girls, here is to the best year to come, ever!
You have warmed my heart and lit up my life.  Natalie, you informed me that your preferred wake up time is 7am, not the time we make you get up for school after a looong vacation.  Charlotte, I was reading to you over the weekend and you described a scene in the book as "complicated."

I am so lucky to have you in my lives.  You both are as sweet as you look.  We will make 2011 the best year ever, I promise.  Full of total presence and fun, amidst all the "have tos" in our lives.  I love you!