This morning, Natalie did a reading at Mass. She got right up there and spoke right into the microphone with inflection and clarity and grace. I was so proud of her. Charlotte read a petition a few weeks back and was brilliant as well. I am so proud of them.
Natalie is working very hard with the rigors of club volleyball and being positive though it all. Charlotte is starting down the basketball path with Upward and runs and dribbles and puts forth such a good effort. They both work so hard. They are so good.
Unfortunately, these amazing kids...their parents got off track. Or have been off track since the start, perhaps. When love comes into your life, sometimes you are blinded by it. Their daddy and I, are like oil & water. On the rare occasion that he comes with us to an event, he will usually pull some low belt move like tell me "work out more to get a body like (friend I just introduced him to...one of our kid's classmates moms)" Right in the middle of dinner out, where I am trying to be on for the team, the school team of politics that all moms have to engage in. Below the belt. That has been the MO. It hurts. It hurts the kids, that atmosphere. It has messed with my mind. For years, complaints about everything I had a part in and everything that was out of my control. Loud complaints, abuse, awful insults and sadness, emptiness and alone-ness.
It was hard. Single mom is hard too. I need strength and hope and I don't know where to go to find it. But, mostly, I don't ever want these kind, amazing souls to lose their hope. I am struggling.
