We took the girls off to their first sleepover camp, ever. It's just two nights...a mini session for the sisters. When we got there, we discovered there was another set of sisters there and they aren't always the nicest classmates. I hope and pray that you are having fun, and learning and growing and that the mean girls have turned a new leaf over the summer. I SO wish I could make life easier in this regard, or tell you that mean girls grow up to be nice and this is just a phase.
You are learning life lessons.
All I know is that you cannot control others. Good manners and good listening will get you far.
And daddy is pretty worried. He wished he would have snuck that cell phone in your bags, or at least the Ipod for texting. Both are frowned upon at camp.
We haven't gotten an email and my server is blocking the photo site.
We will see you tomorrow afternoon at 4:30. And be anxious until that moment, hopefully unnecessarily.
We close on our house in four days.
We go to St Germain in six days!
17 more days until school starts! It will be a good year for both my girls...we will will it to be.
Monday, August 11, 2014
Friday, August 8, 2014
the madness
My husband is shaming me in front of the kids (he loves to do this). This time, it's about fruit flies and a clean house. As I was scrubbing the nooks and crannies behind the counter that never get reached in an attempt to cover all surfaces, he walked by and said "I think I need to hire a cleaning lady." WTF. My choices are to react (and I've done this, sadly) or ignore and show the kids the high road (or show them a passive mama).
He does the wash like a factory worker. And he bitches the whole time. I still remember when we moved into our first place and he moved on from coin-op machines. He pushed his way into laundry duty. The problem is, the laundry never seems to get done until I get in there to cover it. Still, he walks around like some martyr victim who has to do laundry.
They all act like victims. His brother who lost his full ride scholarship in 1973 to play football at UW...well that was the fault of sports. The fact that he was on a cocaine binge and got into a physical fight with a coach has nothing to do with it. The poor estranged spouses that riddle his family...it's all their ex's fault.
How do I fight this? The girls are still smart and caring and interested but WTF am I going to do with this ongoing BS that I will never, ever stop? I've suggested he think globally...real issues, lack of clean water, violence in the middle east affecting innocent families, etc. All to no avail. It's a singular mind he was raised, on the compound, where the whole world is at fault. There is no undoing of that.
He is also very good at making it look like he is doing all the household work and I am just with this job that requires travel 6 times a year and woe is him has to pick up the kids at school with the mom out of town. I had to work, we needed the income. It's like the mommy wars in our own household. His job allows him to work two hour days if he wants, or skip out all together.
I can't do this anymore. There is no rhyme or reason and there certainly aren't going to be any winners.
He does the wash like a factory worker. And he bitches the whole time. I still remember when we moved into our first place and he moved on from coin-op machines. He pushed his way into laundry duty. The problem is, the laundry never seems to get done until I get in there to cover it. Still, he walks around like some martyr victim who has to do laundry.
They all act like victims. His brother who lost his full ride scholarship in 1973 to play football at UW...well that was the fault of sports. The fact that he was on a cocaine binge and got into a physical fight with a coach has nothing to do with it. The poor estranged spouses that riddle his family...it's all their ex's fault.
How do I fight this? The girls are still smart and caring and interested but WTF am I going to do with this ongoing BS that I will never, ever stop? I've suggested he think globally...real issues, lack of clean water, violence in the middle east affecting innocent families, etc. All to no avail. It's a singular mind he was raised, on the compound, where the whole world is at fault. There is no undoing of that.
He is also very good at making it look like he is doing all the household work and I am just with this job that requires travel 6 times a year and woe is him has to pick up the kids at school with the mom out of town. I had to work, we needed the income. It's like the mommy wars in our own household. His job allows him to work two hour days if he wants, or skip out all together.
I can't do this anymore. There is no rhyme or reason and there certainly aren't going to be any winners.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Gratitude
I am grateful for my girls' feet. They had the best, most edible baby feet that I miss. But when they are peeking out from under the covers when we walk in the am, I still feel it. Charlotte tells Lance when her preferred method of morning wake up is a feet tickle, or something else.
Monday, August 4, 2014
About the joy
I have a hard time sustaining a positive mood these days. Some of it may be due to the depression I know I've suffered since I was a teen, but some of it are circumstances outside of me. In either case, I am not in control quite yet.
We went hiking and swimming at Devil's Lake. The place was packed and it was hard to find a parking spot. I did find one, Lance didn't want to have a showdown with the guy from IL who was also honing in on it so we had to drive around some more to find one. 25 minutes after entering, we were parked and headed up to the East Bluff trail for some hiking.
We've been taking the girls to Devil's Lake for all of their lives. Baby Charlotte in a carrier, little Natalie running up the rock steps...so many pics and memories. I love this hike. And, in August, it is typically warm enough for even me to jump in the lake afterward. I didn't this time...feet only. We brought along our garbage bag full of sand toys that made its way to many lakes, and even to coastal Georgia. Charlotte was really wanting a floaty thing to lay on and when I brought the bag over, she found a Dora one. But, that is not cool so she turned it over and I watched her and Natalie stretch out and enjoy the lake from a Dora raft, turned upside down.
A walking stick, a rock cave, a sand structure...they are all about the joy of nature and I am so lucky that I can see all of this through their eyes.
I feel guilt a lot. Because I am a mom and because I was raised to feel guilty 24-7. When I work harder at mindfulness and meditation and undoing these negative tracks in my mind, I am mostly inspired by my kids, and how they experience pure joy in the smallest of things. I want to let go of all of this, for them.
Dear God. Please help me find my way and help me get out of my way.
We went hiking and swimming at Devil's Lake. The place was packed and it was hard to find a parking spot. I did find one, Lance didn't want to have a showdown with the guy from IL who was also honing in on it so we had to drive around some more to find one. 25 minutes after entering, we were parked and headed up to the East Bluff trail for some hiking.
We've been taking the girls to Devil's Lake for all of their lives. Baby Charlotte in a carrier, little Natalie running up the rock steps...so many pics and memories. I love this hike. And, in August, it is typically warm enough for even me to jump in the lake afterward. I didn't this time...feet only. We brought along our garbage bag full of sand toys that made its way to many lakes, and even to coastal Georgia. Charlotte was really wanting a floaty thing to lay on and when I brought the bag over, she found a Dora one. But, that is not cool so she turned it over and I watched her and Natalie stretch out and enjoy the lake from a Dora raft, turned upside down.
A walking stick, a rock cave, a sand structure...they are all about the joy of nature and I am so lucky that I can see all of this through their eyes.
I feel guilt a lot. Because I am a mom and because I was raised to feel guilty 24-7. When I work harder at mindfulness and meditation and undoing these negative tracks in my mind, I am mostly inspired by my kids, and how they experience pure joy in the smallest of things. I want to let go of all of this, for them.
Dear God. Please help me find my way and help me get out of my way.
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