Reinvention of self

I've never been overly ambitious but being a working mom definitely kicked me into gear.  I am not at peace with beng a working mom, though.  I am not at peace with giving up control.  I am not at peace with child care outside of my own. 
I grew up with a SAHM who had to scramble to raise 5 kids, on her own pretty much.  My dad came home and did the old school discipline, drop in on our lives stuff.  He tried, but he was a product of his upbringing.  I didn't want to be alone at home with no $$ or no way to stand on my own.  I think I tended toward the working mom profile, but didn't want to admit it.  Plus, we needed my income anyway.   Plus, I get to deal with adults who transparently play political games and mean girl behavior that is far more annoying than the most epic of toddler tantrums...it's kind of a sacrifice for income, sometimes.
Therein lies the angst.  I need to better define who I am, so I can model this for my kids.  I was bemused earlier this year when Charlotte made a gingerbread man holding a sign that said, "I can go to work just like my mommy."  I am a worker, yes, but fought with my boss to get his approval to leave my job early to pick them up from school on M, W, F.  Prior to that, I worked 9-10 hour M-Rs and had off Friday with my babies.  I took a pay cut to do it and it also makes up for the four times a year I need to travel for a few days.  I just want those little spouts to know their mama also needed to put food in their bellies, shoes on their feet, and as an aside, private school tuition into the family budget due to the terrible state of Madison schools these days.  God willing, those college savings accounts will also be well-used.  
I was annoying about it.  I still am, complaining about work, complaining about stress, about not being present while feeling this angst...a vicious cycle.
I am good at my job.  Very good.  I need to work on myself and redefine this working mom role on the mom side.  I need to find a comfortable place, finally.  I am better than I was but I need to grow more.