What's in a name

I get a lot of compliments on their names.  Yesterday, when I was volunteering at lunch duty, Kristin Sleeth told me she always remembers Natalie is my daughter, because she loves her name but couldn't use with her own last name for her kid.  She asked what my Kindergartener's name is, Charlotte, and responds, oh that is a beautiful name too.
If I have any regrets about your names, it is not including mine somehow.  Natalie called Charlotte, "Baby Coco" mostly in utero but also called her Baby Hannah.  Lance suggested Hannah Marie on the morning of the day Charlotte was born.  My OB liked Anna, said Hannah is overused.  I liked Charlotte all along.  Strong, solid, classic, like Natalie.  And Elizabeth, such a classic beauty of a name.  I won't ever be insulted if they choose to go by their middle names.
We were thinking Grace for Natalie.  My second cousin had a baby Grace in August of the same year.  He happens to be named John which was a duplicate family name for my uncle, his cousin John so choosing Grace would not be an unprecidented move.  Plus, they live in Oregon and I have seen them maybe once or twice in the last ten years.  But, we wanted an original.  When she was born, we thougth Kirstin and actually called her that for several hours.  I called people and told them we weren't totally decided on the name but she is here, 3 weeks early and we are in love.  By mid moring on 9-10-02, we had decided on Natalie Grace.  One of the night nurses came in and told me Natalie Grace is so beautiful, it gave her shivers.  Uncle Todd said she was probably bopping from room to room saying that to everyone, Jane Smith...so beautiful it gives me shivers!
Natalie Grace and Charlotte Elizabeth, my beautiful little souls.

Good Morning!

Charlotte and Natalie both had great drop offs this morning.  It was a beautiful sunny morning and I am so proud of them.  It makes the work day go better as well.  Love these mornings.

The one who inspires

Inspired by Natalie and the work of other more detailed bloggers she sees me enjoy, I write tonight.  Natalie tells me to post and put photos on my blog more often.  I wish I was more confident but I know the only way out is through so, my dear, I will try.

Tonight, I was impatient with you because in your summer daze of late nights and busy days you are a bit off schedule.  You hardly went to KJ these last few weeks and when you did, you usually strolled in around 9 with daddy.  You tried to fight the sleep I could see was missing from your eyes today as I dragged you around to shop for last minute add ons for the school year.  Things we really didn't even need but it was my lame attempt to get out today and do some things.  You came in and asked if you could help me fold laundry, I wisked you off to bed.  You may have wanted to talk about something or just be close but it was 9:30 and I regret that I favored that over getting to know you even better while we fold clothes.  You really want to get on this allowance thing too but mostly, you want to help around the house.  You are almost 9 and you are trying so hard.

I am going to go up and give you a kiss and tell you I'm sorry for being impatient at bedtime.  You are such a sweet soul.  You are growing up before my eyes.  I am so proud of you and I am sorry I don't always take the time.  I love you for all that you are, NG.

Mommyhood

I wasnt particularly fond of children growing up.  I loved my little siblings but didnt like being the gratis babysitter on call.  Or babysitting at all, really.  I loved when I was old enough to get a "real job" (in fast food!)  I didn't dream of myself with my littles, but I knew what they looked like far before they were conceived and I knew they would come, even though I didn't actively pine for them.  Until they came. 

I never knew I could love anyone so fiercely...long for their presence, try to hide myself when I got too stressed and try not to react in front of their uncluttered, sans-cynicism minds, want SO much for another person to be her best, agonize over twists and turns in life and second guess my decisions because they are so critical in the long hall.  I poured over What to Expect, the Baby Whisperer, and a heaps of girl-centric literature under many titles.

The literature, it's good to check in when time permits, but my gut is what has made the best call for these beautiful, enchanting and loving babies.   I love you girls.  I am so proud of you.  I know you can and will have the best in life because you're you.  You amaze me with your ability to thrive in school and life.  I am here for a hug and a talk (about anything) and am blessed to be able to be your mom.  When people say they worry about bringing kids into this crazy world, I look at you and listen to what you talk about.  You will change the world.  You think differently.  You are a new generation.   Natalie, you are so passionate yet you think before you speak.  You are fair.  You are sensitive. You love people and doing your part in team sports.  You are logical beyond what I'd ever imagined an eight year old can be.  You adore flowers and nature.  You love your stuffed animals.  Charlotte, you are loving.  You are so inquisitive.  You are a peacemaker.  You hold your own when you need to.  You make the most adorable observations and are a great conversationalist already at the age of four.  You love butterflies and flowers and dresses and cute shoes.  You both love to help me cook. 

You are both the most beautiful girls I have ever known.  You have striking eyes and I am floored by your beautiful, perfect faces.  You are both down to earth yet show a passion for the best things in life. For solutions.

We have traveled because I want you to see the world.   But, my best memories continue to be the conversations we have in our backyard.  Don't ever be afraid to tell me anything.  I am here for you always.  I want you to know that you have the sensibilities to make the right decisions and choices...and that's coming from your teachers as well as your parents.   You make the right choices even when I am befuddled at how to guide you.  I hope you always continue to trust your gut.  Natalie, your report cards have been perfect since you started school.  You Love To Read. You are kind to your classmates and you are driven to work hard on projects and goals and your passion for reading and doing your best in your work has been learned by your sister.  Charlotte, you are a leader.  One of your preschool friends made her parents switch classes so she could be in yours.   You are charasmatic and peaceful.

I hope you always work to know and trust yourselves.  You have it in you.  You take every opportunity to grow.  You are amazing.

You will never know how much you have changed my life from your sweet smelling, tiny and snuggly baby years to your rambunctious toddler years to preschool and to now, when you both will be schoolgirls in the fall.  I miss those snuggle puppy baby years but I am also enthralled by every stage of your lives, and the new adventures that come with each new step.

I love you!  And on this Mother's Day, I thank you, my babies.