My husband is shaming me in front of the kids (he loves to do this). This time, it's about fruit flies and a clean house. As I was scrubbing the nooks and crannies behind the counter that never get reached in an attempt to cover all surfaces, he walked by and said "I think I need to hire a cleaning lady." WTF. My choices are to react (and I've done this, sadly) or ignore and show the kids the high road (or show them a passive mama).
He does the wash like a factory worker. And he bitches the whole time. I still remember when we moved into our first place and he moved on from coin-op machines. He pushed his way into laundry duty. The problem is, the laundry never seems to get done until I get in there to cover it. Still, he walks around like some martyr victim who has to do laundry.
They all act like victims. His brother who lost his full ride scholarship in 1973 to play football at UW...well that was the fault of sports. The fact that he was on a cocaine binge and got into a physical fight with a coach has nothing to do with it. The poor estranged spouses that riddle his family...it's all their ex's fault.
How do I fight this? The girls are still smart and caring and interested but WTF am I going to do with this ongoing BS that I will never, ever stop? I've suggested he think globally...real issues, lack of clean water, violence in the middle east affecting innocent families, etc. All to no avail. It's a singular mind he was raised, on the compound, where the whole world is at fault. There is no undoing of that.
He is also very good at making it look like he is doing all the household work and I am just with this job that requires travel 6 times a year and woe is him has to pick up the kids at school with the mom out of town. I had to work, we needed the income. It's like the mommy wars in our own household. His job allows him to work two hour days if he wants, or skip out all together.
I can't do this anymore. There is no rhyme or reason and there certainly aren't going to be any winners.
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