The first year of off campus housing and a 25 minute trek was about to end. Five girls in one 800 SF flat with one bathroom and one porch converted to a bedroom. That last slumlord undercompensation was a problem in January when the tiny radiator started working. I was lucky that I had a regulation bedroom, with a roommate who stayed at her boyfriend's.
College was fun. It was the best time of my life. There were weird social groups and tangents but it was fun. I think I needed more attention than I got as a child.
I am not sure how it happened but I knew when it did. I wasn't telling the truth with anyone at that time, really. It came out easily with most of my friends and associates but this big secret only came out at inappropriate times with people who didn't have my back. I was really desperate to talk with anyone beside the well-meaning clinician. It still hasn't left me, that decision. It was the most painful of my life and I have given myself a lifetime of penance when I read about strong women in literature or even when I have the fortune to be witness to someone's experience or story.
I woke up during Wednesday of final exam week. I had to run to our tiny kitchen compartment that was a separate room from our actual apartment. I stood, hunched over, eating saltines. I grabbed one of the five country crock spread containers and tried to eat face to face against the mid century cabinetry. I knew that I had an appointment to make the following week. It was surreal. It was my choice.
I finished my exams and went to Milwaukee. We went in the next week. There was no other options laid out but probably because I wasn't looking for any. My nurse was very pro choice. Very anti stepford rule of womanhood. She was confident and I was wrecked. Everything happened kind of quickly. I looked at the medical devices around me and felt, like my body, I couldn't identify what any of it did, or was doing to me. It was very early. And I had my boyfriend's apartment to stay at and sleep for a day afterward. A lot of women don't have any of that.
Living life by comparison, fear and guilt has wrecked me for a long time. I am grateful for the profound experiences and they way I look at mine now.
Thursday, October 6, 2016
Thursday, August 11, 2016
Goodbye for now, Dad
It is two days before your earthly 75th birthday and 5 1/2 months since you said goodbye to us here on earth. I did not think you were going to go, even though I knew you had to.
I was finishing up my job at SI when you got sick. I was on my way out, partially forced, partially by my own maneuvering, but in the end, was definitely the right move. I'd worked there for 16 years. You were never really on board with my sales job. You asked me when I first started if they are a manufacturer's rep but I assured you that they had an engineering group and a couple patents with more on the way. That job sucked my soul at times. One Friday in February, two weeks before your last weekend, I was on my way to MKE from Richmond, VA. I was going to head down to Kenosha to stay with my little fam for N's volleyball tournament and come up Saturday morning and spend the morning with you. RIC is a small regional and my 6pm flight that I booked it from UVA to make was cancelled due to mechanical problems. I thought I was going to lay out the young, free traveling lady who was blabbing with the agent for updates. I finally got my hotel voucher for the Richmond outdoor corridor Motel to stay until my 6am reschedule the next morning. By the time I got to my luggage, I was looking like a raging hag. I wanted to go home and I knew this was my last trip with many plans waiting at home. There were two German businessmen also collecting their luggage who had the presence of mind to sweet talk the agent to the full service Radisson hotel with a bar. They saw me and brought me in on the deal without me even saying a word. It was a little traveling guardian angel moment that came few and far between during my 16 years of travel. It is a stupid first world problem, I know. We sat at the bar, they asked me if my education was in quantum physics due to my product line. They sell chocolate manufacturing calibration equipment and travel 75% and had family complications I couldn't begin to manage so I was humbled. It was time for me to leave my job though and that was my last trip. I got into MKE at 9am and went up to see you in your room at Froedtert. I hung out all morning and you talked about your career, your job at Simplicity and how you and your team once pulled an all-nighter but got the project done. You talked about how your employer Gehl "hired Jimmy right out of college." You didn't even take credit for the being the who you know in that networking equation. You had a really nice nurse who grew up in Green Bay and her parents ran a bar. You always got the nurses talking folksy and at Froedtert, they were the best. You were so skinny and your veins were so weak that they couldn't complete a painful draw they tried to complete in your hand. You had been intubated twice and the second time you pulled out the tube when the doctors and nurses were talking with Mom, Missy and Tim about the ramifications on your ribs and bones if they try to jump start your heart, or intubate again. You pulled the tube out and said, "I want you to start my heart." You wanted to live and you had spent 13 years with lungs so compromised that many would have given up on the discomfort many years ago. You didn't like the effects of pain killers, ever. You worked hard to sell your business when you were really sick so we didn't have quite as much to deal with when you knew it was your time.
The Friday before you died you were on a liquid diet due to recurring pneumonia and very weak swallowing muscles from having been intubated for multiple days, twice. We were having a conversation with the hospice support team about moving you to a facility where you wouldn't need to be tested and poked and tubed and monitored to the point where your body couldn't even produce any markers. You heard some of it. I had brought you some of your favorite PB sandwich cookies from C's girl scout sales and you wanted to eat. You rallied and ate that whole box, and had a root beer and a coke and sirloin tips and gravy over mashed potatoes and saw your mom and brothers before you left on Monday.
You traveled from Froedtert to Sharon S. Richardson Hospice in Sheyboygan Falls on Monday night, February 22. Troy and Dr. Lipchik were with you when you left. You asked your pulmonologist of 13 years if there was any other hospital, any other place he could send you. He told you they would just say the same thing. Dr. L told us the Friday before that he would not put you through another intubation that would combat what was now an overflow of CO-2 that was going through your lungs and body. On the way to hospice, you drove through all your counties, Milwaukee, Washington and Sheboygan. You met Mom and Missy and chatted and were happy. They gave you a little oxygen and an almost clinically irrelevant amount of morphine to help you sleep when they left. You woke up the next morning and said you would take pancakes and then went to sleep for the day. When I got there mid-day, Tim was still there and he was suppose to have left to come back the next day. We were all asked to stay. You slept all day. I didn't talk to you very much even though they said your hearing would be the "last to go." I just looked at you sleeping and one of your eyes stayed partially opened so I thought you were looking at me too. I prayed for forgiveness and told you silently I was sorry for being such an awful kid sometimes. I am sorry. I know that you gave so much to the world around you and I was too self absorbed to appreciate, or even know the depth of, your struggles as a human being. You aren't any different from any of us and I am sorry I ever drew a line.
I know you are in Heaven. I hope you will watch over us and help us with our struggles. I pray for you and 2016 was so profoundly sad and moving. I am grateful that you helped give me life and I promise to make the most of it, instead of living in analysis paralysis. Thank you for life and joy. We miss you but will always be inspired and hope we can make a spiritual mark on this earth like you did. I hope to be a better person in your honor.
I was finishing up my job at SI when you got sick. I was on my way out, partially forced, partially by my own maneuvering, but in the end, was definitely the right move. I'd worked there for 16 years. You were never really on board with my sales job. You asked me when I first started if they are a manufacturer's rep but I assured you that they had an engineering group and a couple patents with more on the way. That job sucked my soul at times. One Friday in February, two weeks before your last weekend, I was on my way to MKE from Richmond, VA. I was going to head down to Kenosha to stay with my little fam for N's volleyball tournament and come up Saturday morning and spend the morning with you. RIC is a small regional and my 6pm flight that I booked it from UVA to make was cancelled due to mechanical problems. I thought I was going to lay out the young, free traveling lady who was blabbing with the agent for updates. I finally got my hotel voucher for the Richmond outdoor corridor Motel to stay until my 6am reschedule the next morning. By the time I got to my luggage, I was looking like a raging hag. I wanted to go home and I knew this was my last trip with many plans waiting at home. There were two German businessmen also collecting their luggage who had the presence of mind to sweet talk the agent to the full service Radisson hotel with a bar. They saw me and brought me in on the deal without me even saying a word. It was a little traveling guardian angel moment that came few and far between during my 16 years of travel. It is a stupid first world problem, I know. We sat at the bar, they asked me if my education was in quantum physics due to my product line. They sell chocolate manufacturing calibration equipment and travel 75% and had family complications I couldn't begin to manage so I was humbled. It was time for me to leave my job though and that was my last trip. I got into MKE at 9am and went up to see you in your room at Froedtert. I hung out all morning and you talked about your career, your job at Simplicity and how you and your team once pulled an all-nighter but got the project done. You talked about how your employer Gehl "hired Jimmy right out of college." You didn't even take credit for the being the who you know in that networking equation. You had a really nice nurse who grew up in Green Bay and her parents ran a bar. You always got the nurses talking folksy and at Froedtert, they were the best. You were so skinny and your veins were so weak that they couldn't complete a painful draw they tried to complete in your hand. You had been intubated twice and the second time you pulled out the tube when the doctors and nurses were talking with Mom, Missy and Tim about the ramifications on your ribs and bones if they try to jump start your heart, or intubate again. You pulled the tube out and said, "I want you to start my heart." You wanted to live and you had spent 13 years with lungs so compromised that many would have given up on the discomfort many years ago. You didn't like the effects of pain killers, ever. You worked hard to sell your business when you were really sick so we didn't have quite as much to deal with when you knew it was your time.
The Friday before you died you were on a liquid diet due to recurring pneumonia and very weak swallowing muscles from having been intubated for multiple days, twice. We were having a conversation with the hospice support team about moving you to a facility where you wouldn't need to be tested and poked and tubed and monitored to the point where your body couldn't even produce any markers. You heard some of it. I had brought you some of your favorite PB sandwich cookies from C's girl scout sales and you wanted to eat. You rallied and ate that whole box, and had a root beer and a coke and sirloin tips and gravy over mashed potatoes and saw your mom and brothers before you left on Monday.
You traveled from Froedtert to Sharon S. Richardson Hospice in Sheyboygan Falls on Monday night, February 22. Troy and Dr. Lipchik were with you when you left. You asked your pulmonologist of 13 years if there was any other hospital, any other place he could send you. He told you they would just say the same thing. Dr. L told us the Friday before that he would not put you through another intubation that would combat what was now an overflow of CO-2 that was going through your lungs and body. On the way to hospice, you drove through all your counties, Milwaukee, Washington and Sheboygan. You met Mom and Missy and chatted and were happy. They gave you a little oxygen and an almost clinically irrelevant amount of morphine to help you sleep when they left. You woke up the next morning and said you would take pancakes and then went to sleep for the day. When I got there mid-day, Tim was still there and he was suppose to have left to come back the next day. We were all asked to stay. You slept all day. I didn't talk to you very much even though they said your hearing would be the "last to go." I just looked at you sleeping and one of your eyes stayed partially opened so I thought you were looking at me too. I prayed for forgiveness and told you silently I was sorry for being such an awful kid sometimes. I am sorry. I know that you gave so much to the world around you and I was too self absorbed to appreciate, or even know the depth of, your struggles as a human being. You aren't any different from any of us and I am sorry I ever drew a line.
I know you are in Heaven. I hope you will watch over us and help us with our struggles. I pray for you and 2016 was so profoundly sad and moving. I am grateful that you helped give me life and I promise to make the most of it, instead of living in analysis paralysis. Thank you for life and joy. We miss you but will always be inspired and hope we can make a spiritual mark on this earth like you did. I hope to be a better person in your honor.
Friday, May 1, 2015
Work, work, work
I know I would fail as a SAHM.
When spring comes around, travel season starts for me. Relatively speaking, it is very manageable and I definitely don't mind the places I get to go. It's the details and the work politics and the school politics and this growing need to control when there is absolutely no controlling that weighs me down.
I just want to punch a few people in the head too.
I am not at my best right now.
When spring comes around, travel season starts for me. Relatively speaking, it is very manageable and I definitely don't mind the places I get to go. It's the details and the work politics and the school politics and this growing need to control when there is absolutely no controlling that weighs me down.
I just want to punch a few people in the head too.
I am not at my best right now.
Disheartening
Somehow, both Natalie and Charlotte were blessed with athletic genes. It goes beyond egregious, how the adults involved can manipulate and toxify the experiences for the kids involved.
I am so angry right now. Catholic schools pretty much suck. At least they have good grades.
I am so angry right now. Catholic schools pretty much suck. At least they have good grades.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Spring Break
We did the drive again. I'd say one last hurrah. Buuuut, it is nice to save all that money on airfare. Two trips to FL and one to coastal GA might be enough for this clan. SD was a little better. The kids were great and patient beyond their years. Long, hot when you're south, car rides suck. Poor Charlotte got out a rest stop in GA on our way back with a soaking wet T shirt because the A/C hadn't made it's way back to her, was not turned on right. She cheerfully said her body is just efficient at letting go of heat. She bursts my heart right open.
Anyway, the ride down is far more cheery than the ride back. Daddy-O and I got in a stress argument at the KY-IL boarder. I still feel the guilt.
Universal Studios was nice, in a packed spring break sort of way. We rode the train to Hogwarts three times. Natalie was in heaven with the Harry Potter area and both she and Charlotte loved their magic wands. They were "selected" in a presentation by a wizard to be his "students" and trained to use their wands properly. ie: never put it in your back pocket. When they walked out of the room, there was a cash register we had to visit. Nothing is free, especially at the large theme parks! The wands really were "magic" and the girls loved walking around Diagon Alley and Hogwarts making the magic happen. Also, butter beer=good stuff.
Cocoa Beach was nice. We got a late start that day and got there at 5 or so. Haha. But, we found parking and it was not crowded and still hot and sunny. Charlotte was her little fish self jumping in and out of the waves. The laughter I heard from Natalie as she brushed up against the waves coming in reminded me of when she was really little. Pure joy. Daddy-O loved it too. He was really nice about asking what we did when I wen to FL as a kid, like he wanted to continue that tradition through the two trips we took.
Charlotte insisted on getting the academy award that said "best teacher" for Mrs. Barker. Mrs. Barker is the most amazing teacher I have ever had the privilege to know. She is a phenomenal human being so I guess that is the cornerstone. Charlotte wanted to pay for the token herself too. Love, lots of love.
While on break, our beloved Badgers advanced to the elite 8. We watched that game from the NBA Restaurant at Universal. I am so proud to be a Badger. Our fans are second to none. We got home in time on Saturday night to watch the win over KY. What an amazing team...it still gives me chills to think of what a great squad they had and how adored they were by the rest of the country. We will miss you, Frank the Tank.
It really was a good trip...likely our last at the theme park capital of the world!
XO
Anyway, the ride down is far more cheery than the ride back. Daddy-O and I got in a stress argument at the KY-IL boarder. I still feel the guilt.
Universal Studios was nice, in a packed spring break sort of way. We rode the train to Hogwarts three times. Natalie was in heaven with the Harry Potter area and both she and Charlotte loved their magic wands. They were "selected" in a presentation by a wizard to be his "students" and trained to use their wands properly. ie: never put it in your back pocket. When they walked out of the room, there was a cash register we had to visit. Nothing is free, especially at the large theme parks! The wands really were "magic" and the girls loved walking around Diagon Alley and Hogwarts making the magic happen. Also, butter beer=good stuff.
Cocoa Beach was nice. We got a late start that day and got there at 5 or so. Haha. But, we found parking and it was not crowded and still hot and sunny. Charlotte was her little fish self jumping in and out of the waves. The laughter I heard from Natalie as she brushed up against the waves coming in reminded me of when she was really little. Pure joy. Daddy-O loved it too. He was really nice about asking what we did when I wen to FL as a kid, like he wanted to continue that tradition through the two trips we took.
Charlotte insisted on getting the academy award that said "best teacher" for Mrs. Barker. Mrs. Barker is the most amazing teacher I have ever had the privilege to know. She is a phenomenal human being so I guess that is the cornerstone. Charlotte wanted to pay for the token herself too. Love, lots of love.
While on break, our beloved Badgers advanced to the elite 8. We watched that game from the NBA Restaurant at Universal. I am so proud to be a Badger. Our fans are second to none. We got home in time on Saturday night to watch the win over KY. What an amazing team...it still gives me chills to think of what a great squad they had and how adored they were by the rest of the country. We will miss you, Frank the Tank.
It really was a good trip...likely our last at the theme park capital of the world!
XO
Thursday, January 22, 2015
up on stage
This morning, Natalie did a reading at Mass. She got right up there and spoke right into the microphone with inflection and clarity and grace. I was so proud of her. Charlotte read a petition a few weeks back and was brilliant as well. I am so proud of them.
Natalie is working very hard with the rigors of club volleyball and being positive though it all. Charlotte is starting down the basketball path with Upward and runs and dribbles and puts forth such a good effort. They both work so hard. They are so good.
Unfortunately, these amazing kids...their parents got off track. Or have been off track since the start, perhaps. When love comes into your life, sometimes you are blinded by it. Their daddy and I, are like oil & water. On the rare occasion that he comes with us to an event, he will usually pull some low belt move like tell me "work out more to get a body like (friend I just introduced him to...one of our kid's classmates moms)" Right in the middle of dinner out, where I am trying to be on for the team, the school team of politics that all moms have to engage in. Below the belt. That has been the MO. It hurts. It hurts the kids, that atmosphere. It has messed with my mind. For years, complaints about everything I had a part in and everything that was out of my control. Loud complaints, abuse, awful insults and sadness, emptiness and alone-ness.
It was hard. Single mom is hard too. I need strength and hope and I don't know where to go to find it. But, mostly, I don't ever want these kind, amazing souls to lose their hope. I am struggling.
Natalie is working very hard with the rigors of club volleyball and being positive though it all. Charlotte is starting down the basketball path with Upward and runs and dribbles and puts forth such a good effort. They both work so hard. They are so good.
Unfortunately, these amazing kids...their parents got off track. Or have been off track since the start, perhaps. When love comes into your life, sometimes you are blinded by it. Their daddy and I, are like oil & water. On the rare occasion that he comes with us to an event, he will usually pull some low belt move like tell me "work out more to get a body like (friend I just introduced him to...one of our kid's classmates moms)" Right in the middle of dinner out, where I am trying to be on for the team, the school team of politics that all moms have to engage in. Below the belt. That has been the MO. It hurts. It hurts the kids, that atmosphere. It has messed with my mind. For years, complaints about everything I had a part in and everything that was out of my control. Loud complaints, abuse, awful insults and sadness, emptiness and alone-ness.
It was hard. Single mom is hard too. I need strength and hope and I don't know where to go to find it. But, mostly, I don't ever want these kind, amazing souls to lose their hope. I am struggling.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Not sure how this worked out, but it did
We had teacher conferences last night. Our first one was with Charlotte's teacher, Mrs. B. I had a couple email conversations with her and also a couple in-person ones when I chaperoned the field trip and when I showed up for the 3rd Grade Halloween party. I knew how fond she was of Charlotte so I thought things would go pretty well. Mrs. B is an exceptional teacher. During Iowa tests, she would tell the kids "I just love you so much and don't want you to feel any stress." Or, "these tests are only a report card for your school. it does not matter how you do." I mean, someone who finally gets how useless standardized tests are?! Oh, how I longed for this day. Mrs. B is just amazing. And what is incredible to me is that she thinks my kid is amazing. She said "Charlotte makes me stop and remember what is important...to be kind, to work hard, to be happy." She said Charlotte always puts in the best effort and said she had basically nothing to critique her on. We discussed her reading...since Charlotte did have some tutoring in first grade and last summer. She's right on track. Her writing? It is evolving as it should. Charlotte also loves math and makes no secret about it to us or to Mrs. B. Mrs. B actually said she "feels blessed" to have Charlotte in her class. Yes, my eyes welled up during out 15 minute time slot, several times.
Then, it was onto middle school. All the teachers were sitting at tables in the gym for optional check ins. We walked in and were greeted by the school principal. I am not a fan of hers. I have gotten conflicting information from her. To be fair, she seems to try her best but she comes off as phony and a coverer of the ass which maybe is the MO for all principals, but I think we can do better. Especially at $350/month per kid. We got our religious ed envelope and Lance was friendly with her and we walked on to the center waiting chars surrounded by a perimeter of teachers. First, we went to see Mrs. F. She is a very strict math teacher whose reputation precedes her. Natalie is afraid of her. I've heard that kids that come out of SMG are typically very prepared for freshman year, especially in math. I say, keep doing what you are doing. She told us that Natalie does very good work and is quiet (?!-translation: afraid of her) and then she refreshed herself on the grade she gave her (an A-) and confirmed that she's doing very well. I chatted with the Spanish teacher a bit...doing well, received A. We then stopped over by her homeroom/creative writing/lit teacher who told us that Natalie is "an awesome kid, an awesome student." She is enthusiastic and works hard and takes a small idea and turns it into a creative story and is his go-to for information on anything related to Greek Mythology and always has a smile on her face. I thanked him for helping guide her in one of life's most valuable skills (which I haven't mastered), writing. He agreed it was a very valuable skill. Our last stop was at the table of history teacher, Mr. R. Mr. R once told Charlotte on teacher swap day that he knew some people from FDL with our (odd, from the old country) last name. C was thrilled since she has had the burden of a phonetically incorrect LONG last name, along with a nine letter first name. So, Mr. R told us that when Natalie first started Kindergarten, he was waiting to ask if we knew the R families he knew from FDL. They were neighbor's, as Mr R described, "good Catholics." Haha. No doubt, this is why Lance, his mom, dad, etc. had no knowledge of these people with the same, obscure family name. My in laws were more of the scam artist persuasion than anything having to do with Catholics. Plus, Lance's dad blamed his rough, abusive childhood on his dad and mom's affiliation with the C church. Yes, there is a thread of victim mentality that runs through the in laws, even today. Not that Lance's in laws are anything to model but seriously... So, Mr. R then went on to ask us about Natalie's love for Greek Mythology and said they will be studying Indian culture next and then on to Roman empire (which Natalie also loves) and just loves Natalie's hard work and enthusiasm and told us to keep up the good work. Natalie loves history and said earlier this year she is thinking of majoring in history. Thank YOU, Mr. R.
So, L and me. How did we manage to birth these two solid learners with a strong moral compass. I mean, I am not one of those people who can comfortably rewrite history...I was a horrible student. I had no teachers who inspired me. I had a mentally ill PE teacher who was also my volleyball coach and she loathed me. She really was mentally ill...she was committed when I was a freshman in high school. I had a second grade teacher who I was so afraid of that I waited uncomfortably for about a half hour until I went into the third grade for my reading group to tell that teacher I had to throw up and then promptly did. Unfortunately, the third grade teacher had left the next year when I would have had her full time. I controlled my vomit to avoid the pyscho, ex nun I had for second grade who used to belittle and call me names. There were random teachers I liked but no one who I really felt inspired by or that they were at all invested in me. I liked English so those teachers were always tolerable. PE teachers typically hated me and my loving aunt Mary Beth told me (she majored in PE) was that PE teachers do not like students who aren't athletic. MB always gave me great affirmations throughout my life...like when she told me not to become part of the statistic my friends and I came up with (10% of the girls in the KHS class of '87 became pregnant). I mean, obviously, people really believed in me growing up! I did not have the balls to tell my lovely aunt that me and my one friend were in the VC (virgin club) unlike the rest of our little clique of 12 more promiscuous seniors. My parents tried to send me to flight attendant school even though I wanted to and did go to college. I saw them not provide the assistance to my older, smarter brother who was in college at the time but had to take at least a year off b/c my parents pulled the rug out from under him so I pretty much knew my average self would be funding my own college experience. This was despite the fact that my dad threatened to pull his (ultimately non existant) financial support if I took a higher paying life guard job in my high school hometown over the small town he made us move to (and almost made me go to school in) my senior year.
Lance had it a little better. He was the baby of the family and his mom, when she wasn't sleeping in while he got his second grade self off to school, doted on him during her waking hours. He was a pretty good student and in his "autobiography" project for sixth grade, he quoted his mom as saying he was a "perfect specimen." So he has a more positive inner dialog than I do but still...shady at times. One time, we were attending a wedding of some guy who dropped out of our high school. This fine young man's drunk dad came up to Lance at the wedding and grabbed him by the yoke, accusing him of making his kid a loser by teaching him how to grow pot at the age of 10. Yeah, that was a classy night. So, the kids do get the smarts from L and maybe my latent brain capabilities that were dormant under the crazy house I grew up in (my dad used to call us names all the time..."you are such a round head" (never did figure out what this meant) or "you are the dumbest" and my mom used to expect me to be her mother's helper to the more adored younger kids. It was, with her, kind of an introduction to mean girl interactions, really. The pictures I took with the working camera I bought were never good enough for her. Missy was playing with matches and almost burned down our house that Troy had to be rescued from and, despite my mom and I both being home, somehow this was my 12 year old self's fault? It was crazy. Hard to identify as a good person much less a smart one.
There is also the athleticism. Natalie is showing major skills in volleyball, basketball, soccer and any sport she tries really. This is much to the chagrin of the typical, competitive parochial school parent along with those who think their tiny 10 year old will yield them a Division 1 scholarship. Charlotte has been doing cartwheels and full splits since Kindergarten and also is lauded for her soccer abilities. She is starting bball in January. This makes more sense. Lance's bro Kim did receive the only full ride athletic scholarship KHS was ever offered for one of their students to UW well before my time there and still to this day (1972 was the year, I believe). He did blow it spectacularly and spent years in a drug and alcohol fueled victimhood mode (which his family also echoed) so I did have to get Lance excited about sports and the genes he gave his kids. Lance also was very impressive the one year he committed to the football team and probably was the best volleyball player at the multitude of games we played at our hs grad parties. So, those genes are more direct than my bench warmin' high school basketball year.
I am so grateful to God for Natalie and Charlotte and whatever combination we came up with that made them who they are. I know my parents didn't have very many good interactions with my teachers at conferences as I was often grounded post conference. We are truly blessed to have these two amazing kids. I am abundantly grateful and pray for their continued grace and well being. Thank you, God!
Then, it was onto middle school. All the teachers were sitting at tables in the gym for optional check ins. We walked in and were greeted by the school principal. I am not a fan of hers. I have gotten conflicting information from her. To be fair, she seems to try her best but she comes off as phony and a coverer of the ass which maybe is the MO for all principals, but I think we can do better. Especially at $350/month per kid. We got our religious ed envelope and Lance was friendly with her and we walked on to the center waiting chars surrounded by a perimeter of teachers. First, we went to see Mrs. F. She is a very strict math teacher whose reputation precedes her. Natalie is afraid of her. I've heard that kids that come out of SMG are typically very prepared for freshman year, especially in math. I say, keep doing what you are doing. She told us that Natalie does very good work and is quiet (?!-translation: afraid of her) and then she refreshed herself on the grade she gave her (an A-) and confirmed that she's doing very well. I chatted with the Spanish teacher a bit...doing well, received A. We then stopped over by her homeroom/creative writing/lit teacher who told us that Natalie is "an awesome kid, an awesome student." She is enthusiastic and works hard and takes a small idea and turns it into a creative story and is his go-to for information on anything related to Greek Mythology and always has a smile on her face. I thanked him for helping guide her in one of life's most valuable skills (which I haven't mastered), writing. He agreed it was a very valuable skill. Our last stop was at the table of history teacher, Mr. R. Mr. R once told Charlotte on teacher swap day that he knew some people from FDL with our (odd, from the old country) last name. C was thrilled since she has had the burden of a phonetically incorrect LONG last name, along with a nine letter first name. So, Mr. R told us that when Natalie first started Kindergarten, he was waiting to ask if we knew the R families he knew from FDL. They were neighbor's, as Mr R described, "good Catholics." Haha. No doubt, this is why Lance, his mom, dad, etc. had no knowledge of these people with the same, obscure family name. My in laws were more of the scam artist persuasion than anything having to do with Catholics. Plus, Lance's dad blamed his rough, abusive childhood on his dad and mom's affiliation with the C church. Yes, there is a thread of victim mentality that runs through the in laws, even today. Not that Lance's in laws are anything to model but seriously... So, Mr. R then went on to ask us about Natalie's love for Greek Mythology and said they will be studying Indian culture next and then on to Roman empire (which Natalie also loves) and just loves Natalie's hard work and enthusiasm and told us to keep up the good work. Natalie loves history and said earlier this year she is thinking of majoring in history. Thank YOU, Mr. R.
So, L and me. How did we manage to birth these two solid learners with a strong moral compass. I mean, I am not one of those people who can comfortably rewrite history...I was a horrible student. I had no teachers who inspired me. I had a mentally ill PE teacher who was also my volleyball coach and she loathed me. She really was mentally ill...she was committed when I was a freshman in high school. I had a second grade teacher who I was so afraid of that I waited uncomfortably for about a half hour until I went into the third grade for my reading group to tell that teacher I had to throw up and then promptly did. Unfortunately, the third grade teacher had left the next year when I would have had her full time. I controlled my vomit to avoid the pyscho, ex nun I had for second grade who used to belittle and call me names. There were random teachers I liked but no one who I really felt inspired by or that they were at all invested in me. I liked English so those teachers were always tolerable. PE teachers typically hated me and my loving aunt Mary Beth told me (she majored in PE) was that PE teachers do not like students who aren't athletic. MB always gave me great affirmations throughout my life...like when she told me not to become part of the statistic my friends and I came up with (10% of the girls in the KHS class of '87 became pregnant). I mean, obviously, people really believed in me growing up! I did not have the balls to tell my lovely aunt that me and my one friend were in the VC (virgin club) unlike the rest of our little clique of 12 more promiscuous seniors. My parents tried to send me to flight attendant school even though I wanted to and did go to college. I saw them not provide the assistance to my older, smarter brother who was in college at the time but had to take at least a year off b/c my parents pulled the rug out from under him so I pretty much knew my average self would be funding my own college experience. This was despite the fact that my dad threatened to pull his (ultimately non existant) financial support if I took a higher paying life guard job in my high school hometown over the small town he made us move to (and almost made me go to school in) my senior year.
Lance had it a little better. He was the baby of the family and his mom, when she wasn't sleeping in while he got his second grade self off to school, doted on him during her waking hours. He was a pretty good student and in his "autobiography" project for sixth grade, he quoted his mom as saying he was a "perfect specimen." So he has a more positive inner dialog than I do but still...shady at times. One time, we were attending a wedding of some guy who dropped out of our high school. This fine young man's drunk dad came up to Lance at the wedding and grabbed him by the yoke, accusing him of making his kid a loser by teaching him how to grow pot at the age of 10. Yeah, that was a classy night. So, the kids do get the smarts from L and maybe my latent brain capabilities that were dormant under the crazy house I grew up in (my dad used to call us names all the time..."you are such a round head" (never did figure out what this meant) or "you are the dumbest" and my mom used to expect me to be her mother's helper to the more adored younger kids. It was, with her, kind of an introduction to mean girl interactions, really. The pictures I took with the working camera I bought were never good enough for her. Missy was playing with matches and almost burned down our house that Troy had to be rescued from and, despite my mom and I both being home, somehow this was my 12 year old self's fault? It was crazy. Hard to identify as a good person much less a smart one.
There is also the athleticism. Natalie is showing major skills in volleyball, basketball, soccer and any sport she tries really. This is much to the chagrin of the typical, competitive parochial school parent along with those who think their tiny 10 year old will yield them a Division 1 scholarship. Charlotte has been doing cartwheels and full splits since Kindergarten and also is lauded for her soccer abilities. She is starting bball in January. This makes more sense. Lance's bro Kim did receive the only full ride athletic scholarship KHS was ever offered for one of their students to UW well before my time there and still to this day (1972 was the year, I believe). He did blow it spectacularly and spent years in a drug and alcohol fueled victimhood mode (which his family also echoed) so I did have to get Lance excited about sports and the genes he gave his kids. Lance also was very impressive the one year he committed to the football team and probably was the best volleyball player at the multitude of games we played at our hs grad parties. So, those genes are more direct than my bench warmin' high school basketball year.
I am so grateful to God for Natalie and Charlotte and whatever combination we came up with that made them who they are. I know my parents didn't have very many good interactions with my teachers at conferences as I was often grounded post conference. We are truly blessed to have these two amazing kids. I am abundantly grateful and pray for their continued grace and well being. Thank you, God!
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